Drawing Near

The New Year began in the most wonderful way! When midnight hit and people everywhere were celebrating the New Year by watching the ball fall, drinking, partying it up with their friends or family, I was dwelling in the presence of the Most High God with 7 other leaders from our youth group. God has not been more real to me in a long time than He was that night. I felt Him, I heard Him, I saw how He was affecting the people around me. I didn't want to leave that place, and I don't have to really. It's my decision. God is always there just waiting for us to talk with Him and be with Him. Gosh, I am so selfish. He wants my everything and instead I go about my day, doing what I want to do, then when the day is almost over I open my Bible and give Him maybe an hour. He is changing my heart and my desires now and I am so grateful that He is so patient with me. I'm reading a book right now called Drawing Near by John Bevere. If you haven't ever read this book, you really should get on that. It is incredible! "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8 I've settled way too often on just knowing God is there, but not really taking the time to become intimate with Him. I could go on and on about this book, but I'm just going to give you a little taste of it. Bevere emphasizes 3 key things throughout the book in order to develop a life of intimacy with God: Fearing God which requires obedience to God rather than to our own desires, Communication with God - understanding that prayer is a dialogue rather than a monologue (this itself just blows me away), and Desiring God's heart more than His blessings or what He can do for me.
God,
I want you. I need you every second of every day. I desire to be near you. Life's tough right now. I've hit my breaking point and I'm ashamed to say that I am running to you now when you were waiting for me all along. So, I'm sorry for being so selfish. But, thank you Lord for taking me back into your arms and reminding me of how much you love me. I am so unworthy! And God, I'll fail again. I know I will. You'll pick me up from this mess, straighten everything out and things will become great again. That's probably when I'll think I have it all together and choose to do things my own way again. I don't know why you do this over and over. Forgive me Lord. Change my heart O God! I'm yours. Take me, mold me into who you want me to be. You have big plans for me if I would just give it all to you. So, here I am Lord. I have a deep hunger for you. We hunger for what we feed on, so let me feed on you and keep that hunger burning. You are a God who is passionate about your relationship with me (Ex. 34:14). Thank you for being such an intimate God! I love you Father! Teach me to love you more than anything else.